I find myself depressing very easily lately. Of course, the brain likes to go to the worst case scenario everytime it thinks of the situation. I find I'm always worried about my kids and my wife, especially if I were not around. I usually just try to put on a smile, joke around, and try to forget about it all. Usually it works, occasionally, though, I find myself sitting, staring off into space, thinking about it.
Saturday was, by far, the hardest day I have had since hearing about the tumor. I imagine it was because I didn't have my job to distract me. At work I am able to focus on a specific task and I am able to use my brain power for the task, it is not difficult to remain focused without thinking about all of my problems.
Yesterday evening I was playing Phase 10 with Char and the kids. I found myself getting overlyfrustrated that I was not able to get the second phase. So frustrated, in fact, that I finally had to leave the game or I felt like I was going to "lose it." I thought to myself, "Ken, this is so stupid. Why are you letting this get to you?" I didn't care before. It was "just a game." I guess our minds like to play tricks on us sometimes. Needless to say, what was supposed to be a family game, ended quickly and I left, feeling worse than I was before. I'm such an idiot sometimes.
On my plate today? I get to give the Gospel Doctrine lesson in Sunday School. I have read through the lesson and tried to prepare for it a number of times this week without much success. I'm going to have to rely on the Lord to get me through this one, I'm afraid. We'll see how it goes.
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